Creative Writing

I have a love/hate relationship with new beginnings.

New beginnings, which I will leave vague for the time being, are like friends.
Not like best friends. Not close friends.
You know … friends.
Someone you know, but don’t know very well.
Easily forgotten.
The ones who throw you under the bus?
Yeah. Friends.
New beginnings are like friends.
You get one, and at first, everything is great.
You have a lot in common and you spend a lot of time together.
But eventually you hit that wall.
That moment when you realize that this … isn’t going anywhere.
This thing that you just met, just started .. this ‘friendship’ starts spiraling.
Faster than you can imagine.
You become overwhelmed and confused.
You neglect them at times and things fall apart.
You start to lose your grip.
But unlike friends, who are interchangeable at any time, New Beginnings are not.
New Beginnings, still vague, have to be endured.
You have to press on and keep on the rocky path.
You have to put in extra time and sacrifice so much for so little.
You hurt yourself, not because you want to feel miserable, but because you have to feel miserable.
That’s the catch 22.
The impending doom.
You have no choice.
New Beginnings is life and everything that come with it.
And with life, there is no getaway car.


There is this sensation achieved when the cold from a piece of ice touches my tongue. I cannot describe the constant need to suck and chew the frozen piece of liquid, however, I can describe the empty feeling left behind. After placing the delicious morsel in my mouth and feeling the cold rush through my body, I feel content with a slight sense of belonging. Feelings consume me and soon I am aware that I have to have more. I chew and I chew with no success in filling the cravings that pound in my mind, telling me to push forth and continue this madness. My body, however, does not understand. Emptiness fills me. My stomach rumbles. My eager mouth foolishly sends a message to my body. A message that reads: “Nourishment on the way, send out those enzymes. Time to fly.” My helpless body receives no such relief.

My body aches and rumbles and soon I am aware of the emptiness inside of me. I sit here wondering why I feel so different, my sense of belonging gone with a flash. Yet I continue on with my obsession and ignore the pains felt within my body. The hardened water cannot fill the massive void deep within the abyss of my insides and I am stuck in a never-ending circle of confusion and helplessness.

I compare this feeling to the aching sensation felt by one who loves and then loses – the mind telling the body how to feel without any consideration for the biological impulses that neither body nor mind can control. The need and the hunger for something that exists only in fantasy drive the mind and, therefore, without consent, the body wild with hopes and dreams. True emptiness felt by the lack of reciprocating feelings from someone of interest. When love is truly felt by one and ignored by the other, the sensation left behind is that of a piece of ice melting in the throat, never fully reaching the stomach. The stomach anticipates and in the end receives nothing. Just like the heart, in the throes of love and lose, anticipates and, like the hungry body, receives nothing.

In the end, there is only one way to soothe the urges brought about by the utmost desire to be desired and the need to quench the undying fire.

Drink the water, ignore the ice and soon the urges will subside.

1. Opening Scene


Despite the fact I was dying, I knew that, without a doubt, I would never be allowed to see her again.

[Scene up – B&W – man’s arm and hand leaning on the edge of a chair holding a lit cigarette. The man doesn’t move nor smokes the cigarette, but the action is still real time as the cigarette continues to burn slowly]

CHARLIE (cont’d)
I knew it was my fault that things progressed the way they did. It was, as Meg always believed it to be, destiny … destiny.

[Scene to black]

Like the hot wax of a burning candle, floating at the bottom of its jar, unmoving and still; I waited for something that would never be.

[Scene up – B&W – Man’s mouth which doesn‘t move until cigarette finally is placed between his lips. He inhales, cigarette is lowered]

CHARLIE (cont’d)
As long as that flame was burning, always burning, I, like the very still and unmoving wax, would never be able to become whole again.

[Scene fades slower]

2. Bathroom – <day>

[Sink dripping slowly as titles and music begin – music continues to play but shower, which is on, is still heard underneath the music. Scene cuts to the black and white checkered floor of the bathroom where puddles of water cover the floor. Scene cuts to the open door where, at the end of the long hallway, a woman in a towel is sprawled on the floor]

[Scene Blacks out, music begins]

TITLE: earth is not a cold dead place

3. Car – <sunset> [rest of beginning credits]

[A man in his early 30’s is driving in a messy, beat up truck. He is smoking and drinking a can of beer in a brown paper bag. Views of other cars zoom by. He reaches down and turns the music up as he continues down the highway. He passes by seedy hotels and cornfields as the music begins to fade. He pulls up into an apartment complex where a woman is sunbathing on a lawn chair and a man is watering the bushes outside of his apartment. Their looks are stoic and emotionless, as if their days are always spent with little purpose. Another man is pacing back and forth, anxiously waiting for something, mumbling to himself]

What is? Ugh. This can’t. Why is this …

[The man pulls his truck into a weedy parking spot near Charlie and turns the truck off, grabs a duffel bag from the seat next to him and steps out]

What are you doing here Charlie?

Hey Dan, was wondering –


Um .. well.

[cuts him off]
Just take it and go.

[Dan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a fifty dollar bill and hands it to Charlie, which Charlie grabs and starts to walk away]

Thanks man. I’ll pay you back.

[to himself]
No you won’t.

[Dan fumbles with his keys and opens the door to his dark apartment. Newspapers cover the dining room table and beer cans overflow the trashcan by the fridge. Dan flicks on the light and it flickers on while he throws his duffel bag onto the beaten up couch. The light blinks on the answering machine showing 3 missed calls. Dan walks to the fridge, opens it, rummages for a beer and then walks back and hits the button on the machine]

Dan, it’s your sister … we really need to talk about this.

[Dan hits the erase button]

Hi, this is Kristi calling from Progressive Care. This message is for Daniel Spooner. Your test results have come in and Dr. Patel would like schedule an appointment …

[Dan his the erase button]

Hey Dan, it’s me Charlie. I don’t know if you are home yet, but I was wondering if we could talk …

[Dan hits the erase button. He takes a deep breath and takes a sip of his beer. He walks to the bathroom and turns the shower on. He undresses while whistling and steps into the shower. The water is hot and he yelps, quickly turning the hot water down. The phone rings]

Mother fucker.

[Phone continues to ring. Daniel lets the water run over his face, ignoring the ringing. After the phone stops ringing, the answer machine turns on.]

Hello, this message is for Daniel Spooner. This is Sarah White calling from Think Mutual Bank, we have yet to receive payments for the last two months from you. Please call me at 1-888-555-3546 ext. 124 to discuss this matter further. Thank you.

[During this message, Daniel reaches out of the shower and to his pants pocket and pulls out a lighter and a blunt. He leans in the shower and lights the blunt.]

Shit, shit, shit …

[He puts the blunt in the ashtray on the toilet and runs his head under the water and begins washing his hair, vigorously. The phone rings again.]


[He bangs his head against the shower wall, but continues to shower, ignoring the machine.]

Hello Daniel Spooner. This is Eckstein Medical Hospital …

[Daniel turns the shower off to listen.]

We have some bad news.

[Daniel pushes the curtain aside and jumps out of the tub, almost tripping, but catches himself. He runs to the phone and picks it up.]

Hello, hello? This is Daniel.

[The other side of the line is not heard as Daniel listens and the scene fades to black.]

4. Hospital

[Daniel is standing at the service counter, waiting to be helped. Everyone seems to be really busy. He tries to get their attention with no avail, finally a lady sits down and grabs a clipboard and hands it to him.]

I’m going to need you to fill this out.

No. I’m not here for me.

Oh a visitor!

No. Not that either.

Well, then what can I do for you then?

Well, I got a phone call today about my sister, Meg Spooner. Or they think it’s my sister. I don’t know. They just told me to come down here.

Well just hold on one minute.
[She reaches for the phone and dials]


[He looks around at other patients. The nurse’s voice is inaudible as she agrees with the person on the other end. Daniel smoothes his jacket and runs his hand through his hair.]

So, Daniel Spooner …

[interrupting her]
Yeah. That’s me.

They need you down in the morgue.
[She points to the empty hallway to her left]

[He looks down the hallway]
[He nods and walks away, down the long corridor. Music begins to play as scene cuts to black.]

5. Church – <outside, overcast, windy>

[Daniel is seen standing outside the church smoking a cigarette. A few people walk up the stairs, shake his hand, say inaudible condolences, and then go inside. He looks stoic and without emotion as he leans against the doorframe. Charlie walks up the stairs and doesn’t say a word to Daniel but walks inside. Daniel closes his eyes.]

Thank you for coming down here, Mr. Spooner.
I’m very sorry for your loss and I know this must be hard.

[Daniel opens his eyes and takes one last drag of his cigarette.]

Well, it’s okay.
I’m just curious as to why you need me.
You know it’s my sister.

[Daniel blows the smoke out of his nose and throws the cigarette to the ground.]

Yes. It is your sister. Do you know the cause of her death?

[Daniel opens his eyes and looks straight into the camera and speaks.]

Burns and head trauma. A freakish accident.

This was no accident.

[He closes his eyes and when he opens them, the scene has shifted to a dark room of the hospital. The camera slowly zooms out and a policemen is seen facing Daniel.]

What are you talking about?

Well, her burns aren’t … normal for this type of thing.

I don’t understand.
[A church bell tolls]

[Camera zooms back slowly onto Daniel’s face.]

We think she was murdered.

[Daniel blinks and when he opens his eyes, he is back at the church. The church bell is slowly tolling and the priest is standing next to him.]

Mr. Spooner?
It’s time to begin.

Right, of course.

[The priest and Daniel walk into the darkness of the church as the camera follows them. Choir music slowly replaces the church bells, Amazing Grace is heard.]

6. Inside of church – Funeral

[Daniel and the Priest are standing on the platform at the front of the church at a podium next to a closed casket and a picture of his sister. Daniel looks out at the audience, there are maybe twenty people present. Daniel is the only family member.]
(into microphone)
Thank you all for coming today, Meg would be pleased
to know that you all came, if she could know … um …

[There is awkward silence. Daniel clears his throat and looks out at the sparse audience. He spots Charlie in the back, mouthing inaudible words. Daniel looks back at the Priest, back to the audience, and blinks. He is once again seated with the Policemen in the hospital.]


I’m afraid so.

But how – ?

[cuts him off]
She wasn’t accidently burned by the water from her shower.

Then how – ?

They were Sodium Hydroxide burns.

[eyes widen]
Sodium Hydrox-?

[cuts him off]
It’s a chemical found in Lye.
It burns through skin very quickly.
Horrible way to die.


And we have come to believe that someone might have messed with her
hot water heater.

[The Policeman pulls out a manila folder. Daniel is quiet and takes a sip of water from the cup next to him.]

Your sister was a chemist at BioTech, Inc correct?

That’s right.

So she had access to this and other types of chemicals?


Do you know of anyone else that would have access to this?

[Daniel is silent.]



[Daniel blinks and is standing at the podium sweating.]

Daniel? You okay?

[clears his throat]
You can … um … take it from here?

[He steps away from the podium and walks off the platform.]

Let us pray.

[Daniel walks down the center aisle of the church as the Priest begins the Lord’s prayer. He walks by Charlie and catches his eyes for a second before walking past him. Charlie turns in his seat and watches him leave as the scene fades as the priest says, “but deliver us from evil.”]

7. Bathroom of church

[Daniel is at the sink and puts cold water on his face. He looks in the mirror and closes his eyes, once again transporting himself to the hospital room.]


[looks at his folder]
Charlie Swain?

Yes. They used to be together, Meg and Charlie, when he
worked at the lab.

Used to be together?

I’m sure the file explains it all.

[Scene changes to Meg and Charlie working together in the lab. They are happy.]

They became really close about three years ago
When they were working a new project.

A new drug?

Right, a narcotic.

[Charlie walks by Meg, kissing her cheek as she continues to look through a microscope.]
They were really happy together.

What happened?

Well, Charlie began to test it, himself.

[Scene shifts to Charlie putting powder into small empty pill canisters and then proceeds to take a pill, then another, then another, while Meg looks on un-noticed, when he finishes and turns around, he sees her. She smiles and gives her a big hug. She looks worried as she hugs him.]

My sister was worried. Very worried. She got scared when
Charlie begin … changing.

[looks through file and reads aloud]
“He became erratic, forgetful, and violent.”

Effects of the drug.

They had to let him go.

And Meg made sure that the drug wasn’t manufactured.

[takes a deep breath]
What happened between the two?

She got a restraining order put against him.
Does that explain what happened?

Yeah, yeah.
So this Charlie Swain might have had a motive?

I guess so. I’m not sure.
But Meg didn’t have a lot of close friends
And I’m all the family she’s got.
[He runs his hand through his hair]

[stands up]
Well thank you Daniel. You’ve been helpful.

[Daniel stands up and shakes the officer’s hand.]

No problem. Let me know if you need anything else.

Will do.
I’ll look into Charlie, you take it easy.
Losing the last bit of your family isn’t easy.
[He pats Charlie on the shoulder.]

Yeah, don’t remind me.
[Daniel nods and heads for the door.]

Oh and one more thing.

[freezes with his hand on the doorknob]

She was three months pregnant.

[takes a quick breath, turns around]
I didn’t know. She didn’t tell me.
[he is in shock]

Don’t worry, Daniel.
[He picks up the folder]
If it is this Charlie guy, we’ll put him away for good.

Well, I sure hope so.
[He turns for the doors and closes his eyes.]

[He opens them and he’s back in the bathroom. He shakes his head and turns around. Charlie is leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, he looks agitated.]

Hello Daniel.
[He twitches]

Charlie, what are you doing here?

[slowly walks closer]
Am I not allowed to use the bathroom?
Thought we lived in a free country, Dan.

[grabs a paper towel]
No. I mean here. You shouldn’t be here.
[dries his hands]

She’s dead.
I think the restraining order is kaput.
Wouldn’t you agree?

Whatever Charlie.

[Daniel tries to walk around Charlie, but Charlie steps in his way]

Charlie, move.

[his eyes widen]
Why were there cops at my place?
Asking for me?

I don’t know Charlie.

[Daniel tries to push past Charlie, Charlie pushes him back]

You don’t know?!
What do you mean don’t know?!

Don’t do this.
It will make everything worse.

Everything worse.

[He pushes Daniel harder, up against the bathroom counter. Daniel straightens up]

Don’t do that again.

[Charlie rushes him and attempts to punch him in the face, Daniel moves out of the way and punches him in the stomach and then punches him in the face. Charlie falls to the ground]

[He’s bleeding]
What the fuck Daniel?

Just stay the hell away from me.

[Daniel steps over him and walks out of the bathroom. The bathroom door shuts as Charlie is still lying on the ground].

8. Cemetery – Raining

[Aerial view of a coffin being lowered into the ground. Only a select few are gathered around the coffin. Light piano music is heard. Camera focuses on Daniel’s hands in his pockets, then moves up to his face. His face is emotionless. Camera zooms out to a wider angle of The Priest who closes his bible and pats Daniel on the back and walks out of the shot. Everyone else leaves the gravesite and Daniel is left alone, staring into his sister’s grave. He pulls a key out of his pocket and throws it into the grave.]

Goodbye sis.

[He begins to walk away when he hears a buzzing in his pocket. He digs out a pager and read the number, 555-4334. He doesn’t recognize the number. He makes it to his car, starts it, and drives away].

9. Outside of Gas Station, Payphone

[Daniel places a quarter into the payphone and punches the phone number from his pager into the phone. It rings once.]

Chicago Police Department.

Um, hello. Someone called my pager from this number

What’s your name?

Daniel. Daniel Spooner.

Please hold.

[looks at watch, five seconds pass]

Thanks for holding.
The person who called you is Charlie Swain.
We have him here in custody.

What for?

Please come down to the station on State Street.
If you have any more questions or wish to post bail.

[is silent]


What did he do?

He set an apartment building on fire.
On North and Clybourn.

Which apartment building?

The Lakeside Apartments.
Look sir, we’re very busy.
Please come in if you have any more questions
[hangs up the phone]

[Daniel stands there for a minute listening to the dial tone and then angrily hangs up the phone. He gets in his car and drives away].

10. Lakeside Apartments – Overcast, Rain has stopped

[Daniel gets out of his car to see the charred and black remains of his apartment. Lots of people are walking around the apartment building as well as news reporters and firefighters. He just stands there and watches. A older man smoking a cigarette approaches him]

Fucked up isn’t it?
[holds out cigarette box]

[grabs a cigarette out of the box]
Unbelievable Steve.
What exactly happened?
[lights cigarette with lighter]

Well, Mary ran into my room screaming something about a fire
I ran to the door and see this guy standing outside your burning apartment.
Laughing and dancing.

[shakes his head]

I think he was really doped on something.
I watched him stop dancing; lay on the ground, and just laugh.
He stayed there until the police came.

I can’t believe it.
What am I going to do?

4B moved out two weeks ago and I haven’t found someone
to fill it yet.

You sure Steve?

[takes a drag on his cigarette]
No problem Dan.
[pats him on the back and begins to walk away]
Oh, I didn’t get a chance to deliver your mail.
It’s in my office if you want it.

Thanks man.

[He throws his cigarette to the ground and follows Steve. Camera stays on his burned apartment].

11. Inside – Daniel’s Apartment, Everything looks different, new. Time has passed.

[Door opens and Daniel walks in. He looks different, shaved and cleaner. He places mail on the coffee table and crosses to his refrigerator and takes out a bottle of beer and opens it. He walks to his couch and turns the television on, the news plays while he opens his mail]

Thank you Donald.
It’s going to get a little colder next week.
Time to bring out the gloves and hats.

Hopefully we’ll see some snow in the next couple of weeks.

We can only hope.

[Mimics laughter]

Well, in other news, the case against Charlie Swain has finally ended today
Local arsonist, Charlie Swain was convicted today, by jury, of the Double Homicide of Meg Spooner and her unborn child.

[turns the volume up]

Although Mr. Swain pleaded not guilty,
He was sentenced to a life sentence at Cook County Jail.

[He smirks and takes a drink of his beer]

What I find so interesting about this whole thing is if he
was guilty of murder, why would he let himself get arrested for arson so quickly?

I don’t Susanna.
The mind of a criminal is a strange thing.

That it is.

[He mutes the television and closes his eyes as music begins to play]

12. Replay of shower scene

[Sink dripping slowly as titles and shower, which is on, is still heard underneath the music. Scene cuts to the black and white checkered floor of the bathroom where puddles of water cover the floor. Scene cuts to the open door where, at the end of the long hallway, camera zooms to a woman in a towel is sprawled on the floor. Scene hovers a while longer as two feet appear in the frame. You don’t see a face as a gloved man kneels down and feels her pulse. He then stands up. Camera zooms slowly up his body as the music builds. The man is Daniel. He smiles big as the scene slowly fades to black. Music continues as “earth is not a cold dead place” appeared on the screen and blacks out]

Tonight you sounded like you didn’t care.
I’m not worried, I can say I’m not worried.
Cause I’m not.
But you sound a little strange as if you don’t care.
Should I worry? Can I worry?
When I know it’s the worst thing I can do?

Can you feel this? I can feel this.
We’re falling apart.
All the lies and fights we mended
Weren’t mended well enough.
Can you feel it? I can’t feel it.
Because we’re not really in love.
We smile and we pretend that
We’re going to try and make it.
But it’s a useless cause,
We’re wasting time.
Just go ahead and say the words.

We’re through.

I push and push and yet I get nowhere.
You say we’re perfect, we’re getting better.
But we’re not.
If that were the case, I wouldn’t cry.
I wouldn’t picture you with her.
Why can’t you worry? Cause I worry.
Why am I always losing you?

Can you feel this? I can feel this.
The fire is out.
We’ve lost the flame we tried to fuel.
We’re walking in the dark.
Can you feel it? I can’t feel it.
You’re cold and never close enough.
But smile and please pretend that
We’re going to try and make it.
But I know, oh yes I know,
We’re wasting time.
Justs go ahead and say the words.

We’re through.

Hit me with it. I can take it.
I’ve cried enough for you tonight.
I hate it. Please don’t take it.
I’ve lived enough, long enough without it.
I want it. Please don’t break it.
I can’t live without you in my life.

Isn’t it obvious?
I’d stay for all of eternity,
If you’d only ask.
It’s strange and I don’t know why.
But, I’d stick with you,
Though being with you
Is the worst thing I could do.

I can feel this. Yes I feel this.
This is our true love.
It’s here, it’s calling me and you.
Let’s reach out and make it.
You can feel this, please just feel this.
You control this dead room tonight.
Just smile and pretend that
We’re going to try and make it.
I don’t know, but do you know?
We’re wasting time?
Just go ahead and say the words.

I love you.

(The stage is black with one spotlight on the back entrance of stage left. Jerrri walks in stage left to center stage, spotlight follows – he speaks to the audience)

The name’s Jerrri, with three r’s not two. I’m from Alaska and I just got my inheritance. I quickly quit my job soon and so, here I am. I’m a white, single, old man looking for love. I can’t tell you how old I am or how sarcastic I can become, but I can tell you how feisty I used to be.

(Another spotlight on the back entrance of stage right. Kara walks in stage right to center stage, spotlight follows – she speaks to the audience)

My name is Kara. I’m a young college student with too much on her mind. I think about tomorrow or yesterday quite often and rarely think about the current day. Time flies by quickly and my work remains undone. I have a job that pays in pennies and I have a lover that knows too much. Sometimes I wonder how he can stand my negativity.

(Jerrri walks behind Kara to stage right, Kara walks at the same time to stage left behind the counter and begins to make cups of coffee)

Jerrri & Kristen
Life, act one, in the midst of confusion.

(Jerrri walks to stool on stage right and sits.)
How come I can’t understand women? How come I can’t understand the youth? How come I feel as I am stuck in an endless void of confusion while others are successfully enjoying the many pleasures of life? Love? Marriage? Children perhaps? I push at women harder and they ignore my plea for love. I want love and I will find love. I’ll pay her to love me, I don’t care! What do I have to do around here?

Where do I go after college? My parents think that marriage and work are the only options available for a girl like myself. Why not travel and discovery or fame and fortune? Fame and fortune might not be easy but traveling sure is. I can go anywhere. Give me gas money and directions and I’ll get there. It won’t be easy, but I can try. I will try to overcome the obstacles of life. I will try to fight back against my destiny. I just wonder sometimes, why can’t life be as easy as this White Chocolate Mocha with whipped cream?

Jerrri & Kara
(both turn to audience)
Life, act two, in the midst of revolution.

(Jerrri stands up and pretends to be getting ready)
I will find her tonight. I know I will find her tonight. Somehow I will gain the courage. Somehow I will reach out and touch a face, any face, her face.

(Kara leans on counter and sighs)
I will find some answers. Somehow I will find out where life is leading me. Somehow I will reach out and grab my purpose.

I will ask her to marry me!

I will quit my job!

Jerrri & Kara
(Both to the audience)
Life, act three, in the midst of reality.

(Jerrri holds his head in hand)
Not going to happen. Who is going to love an old man like me?

(Kara starts wiping the counter)
Who am I kidding? Like I can quit?

(Jerrri staggers to center stage downstage)
Countdown has begun. I only have so much time. I could try and snip the blue wire or try and run for cover, but it will never escape me.

I need a nudge or a push, a shove or a trip; something to get me moving away from this place.

(Jerrri looks to stage left and notices Kara at the counter, Kara notices Jerrri staring at her)

Jerrri & Kara
Life, act four, in the midst of possibility

But perhaps there she is. Perfection.

What is he staring at?

(Jerrri begins to walk towards the counter)
Think about this. What to say, what to say. “Hi, my name is Jerrri, with three r’s not two. I was watching you across the room and I was wondering…Would you marry me?”

What can I get you? Espresso? Mocha? Latte?

(Jerrri is now at counter staring at Kara and quickly responds)
Small coffee.
(Kara begins to make drink as Jerrri holds his head in his hand)
I mean…

(Kara, frustrated, stops making the coffee)
You want something else?

Yes…no. I mean…I want the coffee…

(to herself, angrily)
People like you are the reason I hate this place.
(to Jerrri)
(holds out the coffee)

(sighs with defeat)
How much?

(Kara hands him the drink and holds out her hand)

Jerrri & Kara
(towards to audience)
Life, in acts, in the midst of mortality.


Blinking, as defined by the average human being, is the opening and closing of the eyes rapidly to prevent the eyes from drying. Blinking, as defined by Anna Finn, meant something entirely different. To Anna, blinking was a form of self-help, a way to get away. That night she lay awake, staring at the blankness of her ceiling wondering why the ceiling was always empty and void. She slowly lifted her covers and closed her eyes as if all the weight in the world was holding her down. Each step felt heavier than the last as if her feet were made of bricks. She shivered as her bare feet touched the cold, tile floor of her kitchen. Flipping the light switch on and squinting, she took a moment to glance around her apartment. Fashion magazines lined the shelf space and decorated her desk. Her closet was filled with designer dresses and numerous pair of shoes she would never wear. Shaking her head, she caught a glimpse of a blinking light. Her seventy-four dollar answering machine reminded her of the call she ignored last night. Those soulless reps from Calvin Klein called her at 1:00 in the morning. Stupid time zone, she thought. She was fed up with it all. The facade she had to put up everyday.

In her world, the fashion world, looks were everything. It also didn’t help that she was one of the best designers in Los Angeles and was expected to look her best at all times. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy designing; she just didn’t like what she had become. Always the one everyone looked to, always the one expected to be the best of the best. They all failed to realize that the best of the best really was a just a big fake. She opened her wallet and glared at the many receipts lodged in its many crevices. No one knew of the trips to WalMart or Good Will. If they did, they wouldn’t stand for it. She wished they knew. She wished she could waltz down to the office in nothing but blue jeans and an old t-shirt. No belt, No handbag – just plain old Anna.

“Never going to happen,” she sighed as she poured a cup of coffee and pressed the always beckoning light.

One New Message, 1:13 a.m.

The automated voice made her smile, which was a rare thing for Anna Finn. Her job was to blame she thought or was it her –

“Hello, I’m calling from the business office at Calvin Klein…” This voice on the machine startled her. The voice was deep, unlike most reps from these zombie-like agencies. She was slightly intrigued and hit the replay button.

Message One of Six.

She rolled her eyes and hit the next button five times until she heard his voice again..

“Hello, I’m calling from the business office at Calvin Klein. My name is John Humes and I am calling to remind you of the meeting you have with Mr. Shelton at 1:00 on Wednesday at our New York office. Please bring your current portfolio and anything you wish to share with him. All information regarding your plane tickets and hotel reservations will be emailed to you by tomorrow morning. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call. Thank you.”

She wanted to pick up the phone and scream, “I HAVE A QUESTION! How about, WHY?!” She shook her head and stared at the machine dumbly. New York?! In two days? The last thing she remembered about this so called “meeting” meant nothing about New York City. She knew that there was this big meeting with big executives about some big change and she was the big deal. She didn’t know whose idea it was or who wanted the meeting clear across the country and she tried, very hard, not to care.

This was the big league and if she failed to appear, it would show that she wasn’t dedicated. If they saw that she wasn’t dedicated, well, she wouldn’t be the best and if she wasn’t the best, she would shortly be collecting unemployment.

“Money, Money, Money…” she closed her eyes and tried to remember why she ever chose this job, what drove her to be like this, let alone live like this. She knew the answer before she asked it. It was her parent’s fault. They drove her to perfection. That alone was the reason she hated them. She loved them like all children do. But past that, she couldn’t stand them. Her memories turned to her high school years and she gritted her teeth at those thoughts. Panic was to high school, as distress was to college. College was just the same. Stress and anxiety and the need to be “the best” drove her insane. The life she chose was what she made of it and she hated herself everyday for those choices. The only thing now that drove her to wake up in the morning was money and that was not a good thing. What she really wanted, what she desired was just to be herself without any pressure or any consequences.

Blink. Blink. Blink. Her eyes fluttered at her attempt to wash away all memories that were lodged inside her mind. She sighed at her failed attempt and sipped the last of her coffee. She always failed. Never with fashion of course, that was her gift to mankind. Her mother would always say so and it drove Anna crazy. It’s not a gift to me, she would say back, and her mother would shrug it off as Anna’s thoughts and Anna’s feelings didn’t matter. They never mattered. Not to her parents, not to her assistants, not to anyone and she was sick of it.

“Who says I have to go through this, who says?” she thought to herself as she stepped out of the shower. She looked at herself in the mirror and examined her features; blonde hair past her shoulders and bright blue eyes stared back at her. Hitler would have loved me, she thought, placing her hand on her face. Hitler would have loved me.

She glared into her closet and sat there pondering. Her plane left in two hours and she had yet to get dressed, call her mother, and run to the agency and for once in her pathetic life, she didn’t have anything to wear.

“What to wear, what to wear…” she bit the inside of her mouth. It didn’t help that her phone kept ringing over and over again, screaming sounds of annoyance. Her nervous eyes glared at the clock.

Hour and 30 minutes. The clock was ticking and yet she stood there, staring and wondering. Hour and 15 minutes. The phone continued to ring and she didn’t answer. 45 minutes. She reached into her closet and grabbed her favorite pair of blue jeans. 30 minutes. She pulled her favorite blue baseball tee over her head. 15 minutes. She closed her eyes. 5 minutes. She opened them. 0 minutes. She smiled.

It was going to be a great day, she thought, a great day to begin a new life. A life she wanted. She looked over at the blinking light, beckoning her once again as it always did. She moved almost in slow motion as if the entire world was watching her every move, and unplugged her seventy-four dollar machine. Blink no more she thought. Blink no more.