Monthly Archives: July 2011

There is this sensation achieved when the cold from a piece of ice touches my tongue. I cannot describe the constant need to suck and chew the frozen piece of liquid, however, I can describe the empty feeling left behind. After placing the delicious morsel in my mouth and feeling the cold rush through my body, I feel content with a slight sense of belonging. Feelings consume me and soon I am aware that I have to have more. I chew and I chew with no success in filling the cravings that pound in my mind, telling me to push forth and continue this madness. My body, however, does not understand. Emptiness fills me. My stomach rumbles. My eager mouth foolishly sends a message to my body. A message that reads: “Nourishment on the way, send out those enzymes. Time to fly.” My helpless body receives no such relief.

My body aches and rumbles and soon I am aware of the emptiness inside of me. I sit here wondering why I feel so different, my sense of belonging gone with a flash. Yet I continue on with my obsession and ignore the pains felt within my body. The hardened water cannot fill the massive void deep within the abyss of my insides and I am stuck in a never-ending circle of confusion and helplessness.

I compare this feeling to the aching sensation felt by one who loves and then loses – the mind telling the body how to feel without any consideration for the biological impulses that neither body nor mind can control. The need and the hunger for something that exists only in fantasy drive the mind and, therefore, without consent, the body wild with hopes and dreams. True emptiness felt by the lack of reciprocating feelings from someone of interest. When love is truly felt by one and ignored by the other, the sensation left behind is that of a piece of ice melting in the throat, never fully reaching the stomach. The stomach anticipates and in the end receives nothing. Just like the heart, in the throes of love and lose, anticipates and, like the hungry body, receives nothing.

In the end, there is only one way to soothe the urges brought about by the utmost desire to be desired and the need to quench the undying fire.

Drink the water, ignore the ice and soon the urges will subside.


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Danny and I went to the beach for some fireworks on July 4th. Before the show started, I snapped some pictures of the skyline.